So you’re familiar with the concept of Netflix and Chilling (aka: casual sex). You may have even done it a time or two. Congrats – this article wasn’t written for those who can’t get laid. But it also wasn’t written for the Hugh Hefner and Russell Brand’s of the world – men who have so much game, they can literally rip a girl’s panties off just by thinking about it. We’re speaking to the inbetweeners, those who get laid, but have yet to become a Jedi master at the art of casual sex. Much like the bible, casual sex comes with commandments, albeit, unwritten. Not ten of them mind you; it’s hard enough to keep your mind on anything other than sex when you’re about to get laid. So thankfully there’s only six simple rules to casual sex.
Leave Your Emotions At The Door
Ever been to an authentic Japanese restaurant before? If not, it’s quite a delight as the food is exquisite. But, be prepared to eat bare-footed as it’s customary to remove ones shoes, leaving them at the door, before you eat. Well, just like the Japanese do with their shoes, you must learn to leave your emotions at the door. Emotions and casual sex are like ashtrays on motorcycles … they don’t go together. This of course does not mean that you should becomes an unemotional sociopath. But if feelings are there, then you’ll need to consider the arrangement as someones going to very much get hurt – in a non-fetish way of course.
Be Yourself, Just Different
Remember the movie Wedding Crashers? Remember how Vince Vaughn always had a made-up bogus back-story to tell the bridesmaids? Well there’s something to be learned from this. While outright lying is never cool, coming off a bit mysterious, uninhibited, and more spontaneous than usual will always work in your favor. You need to learn how to adopt a bit of a fictional character to your existing one. One that’s a bit more heightened, romanticized version of you, in a fun role-playing kind of way. Women love to peel back the layers of their men, just as men like to peel back the layers of a woman’s outfit. The more they can peel, the more you’re going to get to peel. Get it?
Be a Gentleman, and an Animal
Netflix and chilling requires one to carefully balance being a gentleman on the streets, but an animal in the sheets. You’re not going to get to go from Tinder straight to your bed of course. Along the way you’re going to need to show respect, generosity, along with making her feel safe. But this is by no means the “nice guy” treatment, as an animal in the bedroom and nice guys are a contradiction in terms. So while the subtleties of being both a gentleman and an animal are hard to articulate, imagine the werewolf in a top hat. There, that’s who you need to be.
When it comes to casual sex and how to go about it, you need to almost imagine a food pyramid. You know how the bottom is filled with boring stuff (like grains and veggies), while that tiny portion at the top is reserved for sugary sweets? Well think of the sex as the grains – which means have lots of it. As much as you can in fact. But as for cuddling, sleeping over, brunches the next day, walks in the park – in as small amounts as possible. Too much of that and you’re no longer having casual sex – you’re having a relationship. But then there’s all the stuff in-between the top and bottom. For example; showering together, watching TV, post-sex pizza… all of those should be had in moderation. If you’re hosting, don’t go throwing them out right after sex (remember the gentleman part?). But also, don’t overstay your welcome at their place either (… and the nice guy part?).
Pop The Question
One-night stands, vacation sex, that “thing” you did with the masses that one time is now history. But, if you’re arrangement continues and appears to be ongoing, then it’s in your best interest to lay some ground rules. And you do this by asking the following questions: Are we both casual here? What happens if one of us catches feelings? How often should we do this? Do you expect dinners and wine every time? Are we seeing other people? Is this just “us”? How much of a secret do we have to keep this from your husband? Do you like it when I do that to your … you get the picture. The more you ask, the more you know.
Say Your Goodbyes Now
… to your casual arrangement (in your head that is). For the moment you start engaging in casual sex is the moment that marks the beginning of the end. Casual sex is like milk – it’s got an expiry date. Unlike milk though, you can’t be sure just how long or short it will last. Maybe the sex will get old. Maybe they’ll find someone else. Maybe you will too. Or, maybe you’ll both start to really like each other. Either way, there’s no such thing as a 20-year casual sex relationship. It’s going to come to an end – and the sooner you prepare yourself for that – the better you’ll be able to leave the situation with class and grace. After all, no one likes a bad breakup – especially when there was never a relationship to begin with.